It's not over yet!

We have officially been back "home" for as long as we were gone. We are both back to work and trying to make the best of our time off with little bike ride adventures here and there as well as future plans to start rock climbing again and camping locally more.

However, flashes of our road trip slip in and out of my head all day long. Every little thing reminds me of something, somewhere. For almost the first month back I cried every day, mostly when I heard our road trip song, which by the way they play nonstop on the radio leaving me vulnerable to my rose colored memories every time.

I think about it every day wishing I could do it all over again, wishing I could do it forever. I try and be as realistic as possible because I know it wasn't all cake and lollipops. It was not only a bit of hard work though a more rewarding kind, I was also very homesick and depressed a lot of the time.

Somehow through all of that I still want more, in fact it seems to be all I want. The reason for this is because no matter what, no matter who you are everybody finds something that the grumbles and shit are worth; for some people it is their house and their children, for some people it's their toys and dirt bikes. For me it is travelling.

Nothing gives me more gratification than seeing the world. It gifts an understanding, compassion, and humbleness that is priceless and comes from no other activity. Being in nature for me is like drinking water after a 5k run. It's refreshing! Travelling is life running down your throat.

Something I found very interesting when I got home was the actual idea of "home" and "life". I have always had a skewed view on the idea of "life". I felt like because I was living the mundane and monotonous life of the average conventional citizen that I was not really living. I decided to not even call it "life" because if I wasn't spending the bulk of my time living than that is not what it was. I choose to refer to it as existing. (I am a prime subject for existential crisis, I have them hard and often.)

Since we have been back I refer to the road as "my life". Out of the 23 years and 6 months that I have been alive I somehow process that those 2 months are "my life" oppose to the other 23 years and 4 months. It seems that aligns just perfectly with my skewed view on "life". I consider those 2 months to be the most living I have done my whole existence, therefore those 2 months are "my life" off there in the Sierras waiting for me to come back and catch up.

The idea of home, which I have never even thought about before this has transformed into a whole other idea. "Home" to me is no longer a place, it is a state of mind. While I was home sick for Florida, when I got back to Florida I was homesick for the road. It astounds me how perception can change so quickly.

I've come to the conclusion about it all that the biggest problem was the cold. I am and always will be a Florida girl which means the 70s are cold to me. My body is acclimatized to that kind of weather, so when it starts hitting 19 degrees I just can’t take it. The amount of clothing required in claustrophobia inducing.

While I've been in very hot and humid weather, it has never hurt me, besides the occasional sun burn. The cold hurts me and there is no solution. When the sun is blaring on my shoulders I can rub a little sun block on, but in the cold I found there was no amount of anything I could do to keep warm. My lack of muscle could be to blame along with my home state.

Regardless, I would do it all over again and again and again and change nothing because that trip gave me life. The mountain air as dense as it may be nourished my soul. I have a motivation in me like never before to go out and do! To experience the world and its wildernesses. To feed my soul with what is good, pure, and natural and that is exactly what I am going to do.

Therefore, I'm announcing if all goes as planned Finnley and I will be making another journey to Colorado this summer for some camping and hiking. While only for a week, it is all we can do right now and I am going to make the most of every moment.

On to the next...

Bittersweet

So we were finally heading home, but it was going to take a couple days. The road conditions throughout Texas had vastly improved and we were enjoying a pretty smooth ride. I must say, it wasn’t the most picturesque drive, but at the time I enjoyed being somewhere that was slightly similar to my home. During the beginning of the drive everything was still quite snow covered and it looked really pretty. The further east we went though, the less there was. Most of the drive was fairly uneventful. We stopped a couple places for gas or just a rest stop to take a break and use the bathroom, but nothing crazy. The most notable thing we saw was all the oil well cranks scattered across the landscape moving in succession. Gutting the earth of it’s blood, it’s vitals. I felt like I was in the Terminator. Machine after machine and no men. It was the eeriest sight I saw the whole trip. Made me weary of humanity. 

It was cold out throughout the whole drive, but we stayed nice and toasty in the car. We weren’t sure where we would be stopping, but I at least wanted to make it to Louisiana. It was dark before we made it there and at one point the weather got pretty nasty and Finnley was having a hard time seeing through the rain. We made it to Bossier City, Louisiana just around dinner time and once again found a cheap motel for the night. It was right next to an Outback Steakhouse so we went there for dinner after we checked in. I liked being in Louisiana, it kind of reminded me of Florida, so I felt comfortable there. 

After dinner we went back to the room and watched some shows about Louisiana and Cajun food. It was pretty interesting stuff and made me hungry all over again. I fell asleep eventually, but Finnley was having trouble sleeping all night. In the morning we woke up and had our regular complimentary breakfast and headed out. The night before we had decided we wanted to see New Orleans. It would be a slight detour, but we figured it’d be worth it. So we set our GPS accordingly and were off once again. The drive through Louisiana was a bit rainy and gloomy at times, but it was still interesting to see. I’ve always had a thing for the swampland being from Florida. I loved seeing the trees coming up out of water. It was really beautiful. 

We stopped at a subway for lunch and met some nice people there. About 2 hours later we reached Nawlins’. I really liked it there, more than I thought I would. You could just feel the history. If we weren’t behind schedule, I definitely would have stayed the night there. It was just so rich with energy. It slightly reminded me of Key West, but even more because the party starts in Key West at night, in Nawlins’ they are blasting and playing music and partying all day. I didn’t know whether to be glowing in ecstasy or terrified of getting jumped, but the combination was invigorating. It was just what we needed before we headed home, one last little adventure. 

We ended up eating a second lunch there at a Cajun restaurant. Finnley got this Cajun combo that had gumbo and a bunch of other traditionally Cajun foods. I got this Cajun shrimp thing that was effing amazing! The shrimp were huge and spicy and swimming in this perfect sauce. It was cheap too because when we walked by a guy gave us a coupon. 

After we ate we walked around a little longer and headed back to the car. Finnley was really interested in seeing the tattered houses from the hurricane years ago. We did see some, but I wasn’t much interested in that. I rather focus on the positive. Leaving there we got to see a really pretty water way and it made me feel good to head home because boy was I missing the hot water beaches of Florida!

From there we drove through the rest of Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. Some trucker tried to kill us on the way there. He exited the highway and they decided he better get back on not seeing us right there about to be smashed into him and another truck. Luckily, Finnley was able to maneuver out of that. We got to see a little part of the Mississippi river as we finally left Louisiana. I got some chicklets somewhere between there and Florida which was awesome because I never see those anywhere anymore.

When we got into Mobile, Alabama I was surprised. I didn’t think it would be that pretty! I was definitely impressed, however I did not like the underwater tunnel we had to go through. It’s bad enough going through a mountain tunnel, let alone one with tons and tons of water on top of you! Scary! and so we finally reached Florida that night. It was bittersweet. We stopped at the welcome center and we both felt kind of funny. I was pretty happy, but Finnley seemed upset. I pointed out how a bunch of other states have these statues of colorful bison and we had one of a dolphin LOL. 

We planned on staying the night near Tallahassee, but got a little sketched when I read the crime rate data on the city. When we reached there we got some gas and Finnley and I felt a strange feeling we hadn’t felt in a long time, urban fear. It is something we were all too familiar with when we were in Florida, but we weren’t used to it and it brought back a lot of negative energy and old habits in us that we were very upset about. The mood went dry and more bitter than sweet. Where were my small towns nestled in a canyon or mountain, where the only concern is maybe a wild animal, but not even. We stopped at a Burger King for dinner before we headed to the outskirts of Tallahassee to stay the night. 

The motel staff was nice, but the motel was pretty gross. We found a couple disconcerting things. Finnley even started to get all red while laying in the bed a one point, which of course freaked me out. It was a temperature outside that we were not used too. I felt like I was melting from the humidity. My! how a body adjusts so quickly and yet not quick enough sometimes. We both felt nasty and for once in a long time had to change into cooler clothes before bed. Which was actually something I had been looking forward too. I was so desperately sick of wearing a million layers of clothes. 

In the morning we woke up bright and earlier. Today was the day we were going home and I was going to see my Lola and my parents and Florida and wear shorts! I was really excited, but it all felt bittersweet. Finnley felt more upset that it was all over, but was excited to surprise his family. Basically we came home a couple weeks earlier and it was supposed to be a surprise for everyone, but of course my mama doesn’t allow for those things because well she tracks me, so my family knew, but Finnley’s didnt. 

The drive back was nice and the weather was beautiful! The traffic wasn’t so bad either, so we hopped on the Turnpike and it was smooth as can be. Finnley and I were cracking up because Florida’s Smokey the Bear sign looks like a gangster bear. He has muscles and is pointing at you like he’s 50 cent or something. That’s why I love Florida, I missed that fire, that heat that radiates from the people. We really are in paradise. We stopped in a little spring town to go to the bank. I find it weird that rural Florida always freaks me out more than anywhere else, but It was really cute and I plan on going back there to camp one day.

Everything became increasingly beautiful. The sky was sooooo blue! Everything was so lush and green and bright and the sun felt amazing! I had never appreciated my home like this before. Even Finnley couldn’t deny the beauty. I was in heaven, I felt high. The closer we got to home the more my head was in the clouds and spinning with the mixed adrenaline of the eye pleasuring sights and the anticipation of seeing everyone. When we got off the turnpike it was all the familiar sights, but they looked GLOWING! Everything looked glowing and new. 

Finnley and I were laughing so hard because we knew we sounded crazy, but our perception had changed. We still felt like tourists seeing everything for the first time. When we finally reached my neighborhood we were buzzing with excitement. I felt like my pupils were so dilated and had stars floating out of them. I almost felt like I was tripping. When we past the park Finnley and I both is a gasp yelled out in amazement how green the grass was! It was a neon glowing sea of blades! We were really high on life. We reached my house and of course my stalker mom is waiting for us outside and I’m overcome with emotion. I can barely speak. I’m in a turbulence of confusion and excitement. I was home. What a crazy concept. I never ever thought that home would feel so unfamiliar to me. 

I hugged my family and ran inside to find my Lola and of course she was scared of me and to be honest I was a little scared of her too. I saw her face and it freaked me out and her out and she ran. I said hi to her, and she licked me. I knew she was scared and mad at me so it took her some time to get used to me again. She wanted love and I kept roughhousing her until I figured that out. It felt so strange to be home. I didn’t know what to do with myself. We just talked for a while until I had to take Finnley home to surprise his parents. 

On the drive there we started getting that adrenaline feeling again. I felt like I was tripping so bad I was a little scared to drive. It was definitely distracting and disorienting. We both started to get really nervous. We knew something was up when we reached 441 and both thought, “It doesn’t look so bad!”. What the hell was wrong with us?? Everything was still glowing! We reached his parents house and snuck up on his dad who was outside. He was so surprised and happy and his mom heard me laughing and came out and she was too. Bittersweet. 

We unpacked Finnley’s stuff before I headed back home. Oh the drain and weight I felt as we unpacked. Bittersweet is the only word for it. I said goodbye to Finnley for the first time in a very long time which was also bittersweet. As I drove home alone, back in my home state, the adventure done, I looked up at the GPS and saw the whole state of Florida and only the state of Florida. That’s when it really hit me. It was over. 

Back to reality...

Snowed In - Amarillo

We were headed to Amarillo, Texas for a night stop before we started really heading home. The plan was to be home by Thanksgiving. We entered New Mexico late morning and it was looking just about the same as that corner of Colorado we just left. The snow had slowed and everything became even more flat. At the time I was happy to get out of the high elevations. The highlight was we did pass a volcano. From afar Finnley was like “look at that hill, it looks like a volcano.” And then I looked on the atlas and it turned out that it was one. We stared as we passed along.

We reached Texas in the early afternoon and boy was everything looking increasingly drab as we headed east. It was overcast and the whole place just looked grey. I almost started regretting my decision to head home. However, we kept on moving. We hit this cute little road that was more rural that had some pretty desert trees lining it on the last stretch into Amarillo. We reached there about mid-day and found a motel nearby to stay at. I believe it was another Quality Inn type place. 

As we parked our car in their parking lot the snow began to burst from the sky. It was coming in fast and full. We checked into the hotel and went to our room. We looked for somewhere to eat and relaxed. Thirty minutes later when we left for dinner the ground was already white. I was scared to drive, but it was about time we had sushi again so we went on.

The highway was ok at first, but up ahead it already looked like there were cop cars and car accidents. We got off at our exit and went searching for Young Sushi. We missed a turn and Finnley tried to catch it with a quick turn and my car started sliding across the road. Ahhhhhhh! Most stressful shit ever. I was freaking out, but luckily there weren’t any cars around so he was able to get control back without hitting anything. I was trying to explain to him how freaked out I was and he said something like calm down and so I had to scream at him “Easy for you to say; It’s not your vehicle!!” 

I must say as much as I love the landscape of the high altitude places and the places that get colder in the U.S. nothing gives me mental breakdowns like the cold and its subsequent conditions. Anyways we did end up making it to Young Sushi and it was very delicious, but the whole time I couldn’t shake the lingering terror of the drive back to the motel.

We determined that by the looks of the highway when we got off that we should take the back roads. We ended up passing a liquor store, so Finnley got some beer. I much preferred this route. It took us through an old section of Amarillo that was interesting because we ended up on the old Route 66, which we both always wanted to go on. I was in a rancid mood from the stress though so when I went to take a picture of the Route 66 sign and missed and it was blurry I about threw myself out the car with rage. To top it all off as we went to pull into the motel parking lot Finnley was going too fast and almost missed it, again sliding my car. We ended up having to go through the exit to get in.

I knew we were going to be stuck here another day and I just couldn’t bear the fact. I couldn’t bear being trapped and somewhere that wasn’t even that interesting to me. Nothing made me feel better. So when we reached the room I had to call the mama to take me outside myself. After that I felt a lot better and was able to compose myself and apologize to Finnley for be a meanie.

Considering the night was turning around I was ready for my soda. Finnley and I went to go get it from the vending machine that was at the back of the hotel… outside. Upon our arrival we discover the damn thing only takes change and we didn’t have enough on us. So we go back to the room, Finnley is feeling pretty toasty from the beer at this point and is swearing he had enough quarters in the room. Upon arrival he does not.

We have to go to the car. I had already given up at this point, but Finnley is determined. He goes to the car, retrieved his phone charger which he also needed, but no change. I tell him just forget it, but he is being dramatic and feels bad. Somewhere during all of this Finnley decided it would be a good idea to go on this little adventure without shoes… in the snow… in like 20 or below degree weather.

We finally muster up enough change and go and try again. Finnley’s hoping and jumping and squealing in pain from the cold. I’m laughing and telling him he deserves it. When we get there and try again our nickels and dimes keep falling out…apparently the damn thing actually only takes QUARTERS! So once again we head to the car, but we don’t have the keys for the car or... the hotel room! I asked Finnley more than once if he had them before we left and he swore he did. So much for that. Now he had to stand outside in the freezing snowy cold with no shoes on while I went and told the concierge my lovely story.

I get back with the keys and we go inside. Finnley told me we didn’t have any more quarters in the car and I’m thinking what the hell I just had a bunch of change where did it go? Finally I remember where all the change went and it was in the hotel room the whole time. Mother of god. We finally go get my soda after about 45 minutes worth of shenanigans, Finnley still shoeless and people saw him this time too. By the way the soda wasn’t delicious enough to be worth that. The rest of the night we just hung out and watched TV until we fell asleep.

In the morning we woke up kind of late and almost missed the complimentary breakfast. Before we got there we went outside and I saw my car and OMG! It had at least 5 inches of snow on the top of it and the bottom was lined with dirty frozen slush. I had never seen anything like it. I freaked out and went around kicking the slush off the bottom as Finnley was yelling at me. I finally pulled myself away and we made it there right before they put it all away and Finnley had a biscuit and gravy and I made myself a Texas shaped waffle LOL only Texas. 

Some of the other motel occupants were still there all discussing if they were going to risk the road conditions. Some did, but we booked another night. We returned to the room and basically lounged around and watched TV. I did a catch up on my blogging and we got stuck watching the show where they take unruly teens to jail to scare them for a couple hours.

When afternoon came around we got hungry and went out to get some food. We settled on a nearby Arby’s. We sat inside and ate our food and the two workers bickered about every last thing to each other as they prepared to close the place early due to weather conditions. It was pretty funny to watch. We went back to the motel and relaxed until dinner when we left again. We decided to try another close by sushi restaurant because the other one was closed on Sundays. It was good and cheap too. When we left we took an unexpected drive around Amarillo looking for an open liquor store, but apparently none of them are open on Sundays either. We drove around for about 30 minutes before we found a gas station. 

We got back to the motel right on time to watch the premiere of Freaks of Nature on the weather channel. It was amazing. We went to bed that night with plans of leaving the next morning. We had a long way to go. We woke up the next morning, had our breakfast and were on the road once again. At check out the man concierge told me that some of the people who left the previous day actually ended up turning around and coming back. After that I was glad we made the decision to stay. The roads were looking pretty good now and I was excited to almost be home. 

On to...home